Getting fat seems sucky when ex-fat guys turned fitness gurus bombard you with miracle diets: keto, paleo, raw vegan, intermittent fasting, teto, real fooding… 

It seems that they have declared war on one of the greatest pleasures in life: eating. But if they wanted to party... in this post we give it back to them. Here are two cups.

We officially declare war on diets (just as they have been introduced to us). 

Based on scientific studies from the University of MisC. O. (Jones)?  No, more because of the escalation of eating disorders that we see in men. 

As you can imagine, they have gone off like a rocket since the pandemic, they are under-reported because people are embarrassed to go to the doctor due to social stigma and they are under-treated because there is not much historical baggage either... a little picture, wow. 

Walking around the house, all of these disorders are put under the umbrella of so-called manorexia , which has many colors and shapes. The best known, vigorexia (which idealizes muscle dysmorphia or Hulk body); but there are also others such as orthorexia (or obsession with eating 100% healthy), male anorexia,... 

And beyond the physical consequences, it is obvious that manorexia is associated with long-term mental problems derived from wanting to show off a more normative figure than the ones you would find in the showers of Las Encinas.

In short, we also eat with a spoon the marketing stereotype of the extremely muscular and hyper-thin turkey at the same time and, just as in the cosmetics industry , the diet industry sneaks in impossible standards and promises to try to sell us the new routine. Fashion.

So that they don't give it to you with cheese, here is our Top 4 red flags 🚩🚩🚩

...that raise our eyebrows in the world of diets:

1. Forbidden foods (forbid me this one)

Bananas for sugar, a beer and some bravas on a Friday because it's not 'cheat-day', carbohydrates only on Sunday... 

¿Really? If the diet is more controlling than your parents when you discovered the existence of the bottle, we don't want it even if they try to force it on us by making the little plane.

2. #fuckingboring food

Ladies and gentlemen, the menu for the rest of your life: steamed broccoli and chicken for lunch, raw carrots at mid-morning, and a salad with zero yogurt for dinner. 

What doesn't kill you makes you fat, but some of these diets kill you in life from boredom.

3. Diets that they think we are Daviz Muñoz

Welcome to Masterchef. You have 4 hours to prepare meals for the rest of the week, a zillion wild ingredients, 20 preparations, the sink to the ceiling... and the air fryer's electricity bill is through the roof. 

If you spend the day working like a kid... coming home and taking a pizza out of the freezer is not a cardinal sin: it's survival.

4. An online master before each meal 

2 hours in the supermarket reading labels, the calculator in front of you to count calories, the app that without any scientific basis separates foods into good, average and very bad... the Excel in which you write down everything you eat. 

Seriously, for less investment of time you had a doctorate under your arm (and a good one, not like that of politicians).

In conclusion, less shedding pounds and more shedding shame

Now that months of uncovering are coming, of Hawaiian shirts open to the navel and of repeating the mantra that life is two days... 

We have the perfect excuse to undress all those dodgy things that have fueled our fears and shame until today, to finally accept our body as it is... and to embrace how we want to be from now on.  

Without burdens, external pressures or tyrannical diets. 
Because eating well should not be at odds with enjoying yourself. 

So we're going to go on a diet of diets and we're going to eat this bit of the world that lies ahead of us with enthusiasm and without complexes, which is what it's time for.

PS: And for those who are left hungry... This post is sponsored by a cream that cannot be missing from the only diet that really cools us: the cone.

Giggleberries , a moisturizing, deodorant cream with a sweet smell for your 🍆 and intense nights of flirting at the table, in the kitchen or wherever you end up eating.

We do cool right,
Siwon