SPACE SEXOLOGY

Imagine that we destroy the planet Earth on which we live (what a local idea, huh?) and we have to colonize space one by one. Create civilizations and all that on planets that have the capacity for human life to take root. And spend years and years living in spaceships from one side of the universe to the other. There is a lot of romanticization about f*cking on the beach, but little is said about the complicated nature of the segs in the middle of weightlessness. Well, that's what we're talking about today, ignition in 3, 2, 1... 

HOUSTON, WE HAVE AN ERECTION 🚀

Some irreverent astronauts have declared in the past that they got up all stiff, but none of them talk about having practiced chiqui chiqui with a fellow MIR member (we are referring to the space station... we know that among doctors there is a lot of gathering). And there are several factors that do not help the moment of ecstasy.

  • The lack of privacy with more cameras recording than Big Brother.
  • The chronic stress and lack of eroticism of oversized suits that make you not feel in your prime.
  • Lack of blood flow circulation that makes erections difficult.
  • Weightlessness: not only makes all fluids float... but it also hinders the movement of intercourse and 'pushes' your partner against the walls of the station with each thrust.
  • …

But when things get worse, they need serious remedies, and there are certain things that NASA is already officially working on (at least from a theoretical point of view):

  • Take advantage of the Velcro that surrounds the ships as a holding and gripping material.
  • Invent bridle systems to secure the hook (if there are any in the dark room of your trusted Sauna… how could there not be any in your reference space station).
  • Think of space suits (for two) specially designed for that moment.
  • Involve third parties to facilitate restraint.
  • …

And yet there is one issue we had not anticipated: the drop in testosterone. 

YOU GO UP INTO SPACE… LOWER TESTOSTERONE 👨‍🚀

The (few) astronauts who have spent long periods off Earth… have returned with low testosterone levels. The radiation levels they receive, again the weightlessness affecting hormonal cycles, the lack of normal 'day and night' cycles. Upon returning to Earth they recover their 'normal' levels over time, but nothing is known about the long-term health impacts.

  • A prolonged decrease in this hormone in men is linked to:
    • A general decrease in sexual desire.
    • To the difficulty in maintaining erections.
    • Loss of muscle and bone mass... which affects the ability to generate testosterone in vicious circles (bad ones).
    • To a decrease in the volume and quality of the table.
    • Decreased fertility.

Come on... if it's true that being in space for long periods of time lowers testosterone... we're going down the drain as a race.

F*CK YOU DAMN YOU F*CK YOU 🖖

Apocalyptic? Maybe. Possible given the current knowledge and evolution of science in this field? Absolutely.

 

The solution: As in cosmetics, we need more trials and more tests. More people fucking in space and against walls. In all positions and in all seasons. For pleasure, for the future of the race and for life on other planets. On 20-minute space tourism trips and on long-term missions. With robots, with toys, alone and in communes. For testosterone, for weightlessness and for the toast toast toast. The new frontier of civilizational expansion lies not in advances in spaceships and fuel… but in the wanks of the astronauts of today and tomorrow.

P.S.: This educational blog about love, science and fiction is sponsored by our serum Wowyoung. So that you arrive on your first interplanetary trip with the same face as when you left the tutor. 

SPACE SEXOLOGY

Imagine that we destroy the planet Earth on which we live (what a local idea, huh?) and we have to colonize space one by one. Create civilizations and all that on planets that have the capacity for human life to take root. And spend years and years living in spaceships from one side of the universe to the other. There is a lot of romanticization about f*cking on the beach, but little is said about the complicated nature of the segs in the middle of weightlessness. Well, that's what we're talking about today, ignition in 3, 2, 1... 

HOUSTON, WE HAVE AN ERECTION 🚀

Some irreverent astronauts have declared in the past that they got up all stiff, but none of them talk about having practiced chiqui chiqui with a fellow MIR member (we are referring to the space station... we know that among doctors there is a lot of gathering). And there are several factors that do not help the moment of ecstasy.

  • The lack of privacy with more cameras recording than Big Brother.
  • The chronic stress and lack of eroticism of oversized suits that make you not feel in your prime.
  • Lack of blood flow circulation that makes erections difficult.
  • Weightlessness: not only makes all fluids float... but it also hinders the movement of intercourse and 'pushes' your partner against the walls of the station with each thrust.
  • …

But when things get worse, they need serious remedies, and there are certain things that NASA is already officially working on (at least from a theoretical point of view):

  • Take advantage of the Velcro that surrounds the ships as a holding and gripping material.
  • Invent bridle systems to secure the hook (if there are any in the dark room of your trusted Sauna… how could there not be any in your reference space station).
  • Think of space suits (for two) specially designed for that moment.
  • Involve third parties to facilitate restraint.
  • …

And yet there is one issue we had not anticipated: the drop in testosterone. 

YOU GO UP INTO SPACE… LOWER TESTOSTERONE 👨‍🚀

The (few) astronauts who have spent long periods off Earth… have returned with low testosterone levels. The radiation levels they receive, again the weightlessness affecting hormonal cycles, the lack of normal 'day and night' cycles. Upon returning to Earth they recover their 'normal' levels over time, but nothing is known about the long-term health impacts.

  • A prolonged decrease in this hormone in men is linked to:
    • A general decrease in sexual desire.
    • To the difficulty in maintaining erections.
    • Loss of muscle and bone mass... which affects the ability to generate testosterone in vicious circles (bad ones).
    • To a decrease in the volume and quality of the table.
    • Decreased fertility.

Come on... if it's true that being in space for long periods of time lowers testosterone... we're going down the drain as a race.

F*CK YOU DAMN YOU F*CK YOU 🖖

Apocalyptic? Maybe. Possible given the current knowledge and evolution of science in this field? Absolutely.

 

The solution: As in cosmetics, we need more trials and more tests. More people fucking in space and against walls. In all positions and in all seasons. For pleasure, for the future of the race and for life on other planets. On 20-minute space tourism trips and on long-term missions. With robots, with toys, alone and in communes. For testosterone, for weightlessness and for the toast toast toast. The new frontier of civilizational expansion lies not in advances in spaceships and fuel… but in the wanks of the astronauts of today and tomorrow.

P.S.: This educational blog, somewhere between love, science fiction and segs, is sponsored by our serum Wowyoung. So that you arrive on your first interplanetary trip with the same face as when you left the tutorial. 
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