7 threats this holiday season and how to avoid them

1. Touching in the age of omnichronic

People we know, and even some we don't, are already dropping out and will have to spend Christmas at home in their pajamas. But we don't want to miss a single party, and we certainly don't want to stop rubbing shoulders (with the people who matter, of course).

Given that, the only defensive strategy is to invest the extra Christmas bonus in PCR and antigen tests: one because yesterday there was a get-together with friends and the next day you have to see your parents; another because you have to see your grandma and it's not a good idea to scare her...

Your nose this year is going to have more traffic than Calamaro's on Grammy night.

2. The conspiracy-theorist brother-in-law, digitally enhanced

We all have that one family member who sees Judeo-Masonic conspiracies everywhere (if you don't... it's you). And this year we've given their imagination far too much fuel with vaccines that cause genetic mutations and volcanic eruptions that are nothing more than smokescreens to distract the public.

His KryptoniteIt doesn't exist. It's tireless and insatiable. Your only chance is to throw it into the arena, face to face, with a nemesis of similar conviction: your emo-anti-establishment cousin or your sister-in-law who's past her prime (and life in general)... staunch defender of Miguel Bosé since he went to a concert in '92.

3. The coolness in the pussy

We've prolonged (and I'll be telling you more) going to terraces at -2ºC... and it's going to take its toll (not just on the electricity).

So, you know what that means: maximum gearing up: Arctic down jacket, two pairs of gloves, and three scarves around your neck. This year, Amazon and Decathlon have also released vests with built-in USB heating that can save us in a pinch (they've copied our idea again).

4. Your grandmother who wants to fatten you up to sacrifice you later

Okay, this is a classic. Although it's not a crime, there isn't a Christmas Eve that goes by without your grandmother bringing out a surprise extra tray of croquettes, cooked under cover of darkness, with premeditation and malice aforethought.

And there's no way to resist because you're making her happy. Take Omeprazole and treat these days like a marathon until the next meal... not a sprint.

5.The five-day hangover

Start your New Year's resolutions... on the 10th because until then you won't be a person.

And you know that, despite all the initial reluctance… it's going to happen to you. Again.

Here we can only advise you to stock up for the pre-party: a pack of ibuprofen (yes, ibuprofen is better than paracetamol for a hangover), a bottle of electrolytes, and a New Year's kebab or churros before going to bed... so you can go straight to the New Year's lunch the next day.

6. The constant reliving of childhood traumas

Your whole family will loudly remember and make fun of the time you wet the bed, how depressed that ex left you after using your heart like a tissue, how much you cried as a child that time when…

ExpeliarmusThe best approach here is to use the scapegoat technique and find an even more tempting target to divert attention to (sorry to the younger members of the household). Young people and binge drinking often work very well as decoys.

7. But… who are you?

You know… that second cousin you don't remember anymore, that distant aunt who always says, “I remember you, but you don't remember me, do you?”… that close family friend… and you don't even know his name.

Best tactic? Play dumb: go along with the game and the conversations about supposed shared memories. Let them think you actually remember. Never, ever admit you don't know them; it'll be your downfall.

Go to the parties with the lesson learned

So, as I said, this year's Christmas and celebrations are once again full of dangers typical of our Iberian fauna and flora... but also of rewards.

Getting together with family, relaxing days, big meals and parties…

Faced with the threat? A good dribble and preventative measures to limit its effects. A little common sense, a touch of tact, a bit of a mask, and all of it... washed down with champagne.

Nobody will ruin these holidays for us. 🤘🎄

P.dThis week's post is sponsored by our launch pack: Head Turner Gift SetIt's the ultimate kit to keep your face looking its best this holiday season… and even a zombie apocalypse if necessary (because that's what's coming). It has a little bit of everything: (1 Handsomefyer + 1 Giggleberries + 1 Dragonshot) at a price you'll treat yourself to! Happy (and healthy) Christmas!

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To be the star of the most beloved gift.

Siwon
We do cool, right!