7 threats of these holidays and how to avoid them

1. Groping in times of omnicron 

Known and lesser known people are already falling, who will have to spend Christmas in their pajamas and at home. But we don't want to miss a party, nor stop rubbing each other (with whoever matters, of course).  

Given this, the only defensive strategy there is is to invest the Extra Christmas payment in PCRs and antigens: one because yesterday there was a meeting with colleagues and the next day it was time to see your parents; another because it's time to see grandma and it's not a plan to scare her... . 

Your nose this year is going to have more traffic than Calamaro's on Grammy night. 

2. The digi-reinforced conspiracy Brother-in-Law

We all have a family member who sees Judeo-Masonic conspiracies everywhere (if you don't... it's you). Furthermore, this year we have given him too much fuel for his imagination between vaccines that cause genetic mutations and volcanic eruptions that are nothing more than smoke curtains to distract the public's attention. 

His kryptonite: does not exist. It is tireless and insatiable. Your only chance is to throw him into the albero, face to face, with a nemesis of similar conviction: your cousin the emo-anti-system or your past sister-in-law from El Gaitero (and life in general)... staunch defender of Miguel Bosé since he was to a concert in '92. 

3. The freshness in the pussy

We have prolonged (and what I will tell you more, brunette) is that going to the terraces at -2ºC... and it is going to take its toll on us (not just the electricity) 

Given that, you know, it's time to go all out: arctic feathers, two pairs of gloves and three scarves around the neck. Also this year, Amazon and Decathlon have released vests with built-in USB heating that can save us from a tight spot (they have copied our idea again).

4. Your grandmother who wants to bait you to sacrifice you later

Well, this is a classic. Although it is not classified in the penal code, there is no Christmas Eve in which your grandmother does not bring out a surprise extra tray of croquettes cooked with nocturnal, premeditation and treachery. 

And there is no possible resistance because you are making the woman happy. Omeprazole and taking everything these days as if it were a long-distance race until the next meal... not a sprint. 

5. The five-day hangover

Start your year's resolutions... on the 10th because until then you will not be a person.  

And you know that, despite all the initial laziness... it's going to happen to you. Again. 

Here we can only advise you to make a pre-party stash: pack of ibuprofen (yes, better ibuprofen than paracetamol for a hangover), bottle with electrolytes and kebab or New Year's churros before going to bed... to get straight to it to the New Year's meal the next day.

6. The constant reliving of childhood traumas

Your whole family will remember loudly and make fun of when you wet the bed, how depressed that ex who used your heart as a clinic left you, how you cried as a child that time...  

Expeliarmus: the best thing here is to use the scapegoat technique and find an even more greedy target to divert attention to (sorry for the youngest of the houses). Young people and the bottle usually work very well as decoy

7. But... who are you?

You know... that second cousin that you no longer remember, that distant aunt who always tells you "I remember you but you don't remember me, right?" …That close friend of the family… and you without knowing his name. 

Best tactic? Play #fuckingloco: follow the game and the conversations about supposed common memories. Let them think that you really remember. Never EVER admit that you don't know them, it will be your downfall.

To the holidays with the lesson learned

Well, what was said; that this year's Christmas and celebrations are once again full of dangers typical of our Iberian fauna and flora... but also of rewards.  

Getting together with the family, relaxing days, eating and partying...  

Faced with the threat? good dribbling and preventive measures that limit its effects. A little common sense, a little left hand, another little mask and everything... well washed down with champagne. 

Nobody ruins these holidays for us. 🤘🎄

PS: This week's post is sponsored by our premiere pack: Head Turner Gift Set . It is the definitive kit so that your face survives these holidays… and even a zombie apocalypse if it comes to it (because that is what we have left). Get a little bit of tea: (1 Handsomefyer + 1 Giggleberries + 1 Dragonshot) at a self-gift price Merry (and healthy) Christmas!

HEAD TURNeR GIFT SET
68,85 €
59,95 €

Gift chest with Dragon Shot , Handsomefyer and Giggleberries .
To be the protagonist of the most liked gift.

Siwon
We do cool right!